My Daughter Was Pre-Approved for a Mortgage. I'm Glad She Didn't Buy.
TL;DR
My daughter and her fiancé were pre-approved for a mortgage and spent two months looking at homes with me. Then she decided to wait — and as her father and a REALTOR®, I couldn't be prouder. Pre-approval tells you what a lender will finance; it doesn't tell you whether the payment leaves room for savings, for life, or for a young marriage to breathe. Buying and waiting can both be the right decision. The one that matters is the one you make yourself, with your eyes open.
"Dad, We're Thinking About Buying a House"
This past year has been a big one in our house. My daughter graduated from college. She found a job she's excited about. Her fiancé is working too, and they got engaged — planning a wedding, planning a life, planning all the things you plan when everything is finally starting. As a father, you wait a long time for this season, and it's one of the best feelings there is.
Then one evening she said the thing so many young couples say when life starts opening up: "Dad, we're thinking about buying a house."
I want to be honest about what happened inside me in that moment, because it was two things at once. Out loud, I was excited for her. Of course I was. I love my daughter, I believe in her, and homeownership is a beautiful goal.
But privately? My first thought was: can you wait a little bit?
Not because I doubted her. Not because I thought she couldn't do it. Not because buying a home is a bad idea — it isn't. It was because I understood, maybe better than she did at that moment, what she was actually asking to take on.
They Did Everything Right
Here's the part that matters: they didn't do anything wrong. Actually, they did everything right. They talked to a lender. They got pre-approved. Based on their income, the numbers worked — they could afford a decent home. So we started looking, and for about two months we toured properties together.
I made myself a promise during those two months: I was going to stay neutral. I showed them everything they wanted to see. I didn't steer them toward anything or away from anything. I let the houses speak. I let the numbers speak. My job was to make sure they could see clearly — not to see for them.
But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't carrying something the whole time. What worried me wasn't whether they could make the payment — the lender had already answered that. What worried me was what that payment would leave behind. A mortgage that technically fits on paper can quietly take up all the room in a life: the savings account that never grows, the trip you keep postponing, the margin a young marriage needs to breathe. And they weren't just buying a house — they were graduating, starting careers, and planning a wedding all in the same stretch of life.
Here's what I never said out loud during those two months: any of it. There's a difference between giving someone information and giving someone your conclusion. I wanted her to have the first one. The second one had to be hers.
The Phone Call
A few days after our last showing, my phone rang.
"Daddy, you know what? I think I'd rather wait. I want to get everything together first. I think it makes more sense."
I surprised myself with how I reacted. I felt relieved — a deep, quiet relief. And right behind it, something bigger: I was proud of her. Prouder, honestly, than I would have been at a closing table.
I told her: "You can wait as long as you want. I'm actually very happy you made this decision yourself." That last word is the whole story. Yourself.
Her plan now is simple and smart: build the savings, let the careers settle, get married, and then come back to the house conversation standing on solid ground. Nobody handed her that plan. She looked at her own life honestly and wrote it herself.
Now, the part I haven't told you. I'm a REALTOR®. Helping people buy homes is literally what I do for a living — I've spent years walking families through this exact decision in Rhode Island and across New England. By every professional instinct I'm supposed to have, my daughter was a "qualified buyer" who walked away. And I couldn't be happier about it. Because somewhere along the way I decided what kind of REALTOR® I wanted to be, and it's the same kind of father I try to be: education first. My job is to give people real information, honest perspective, and the right tools — then get out of the way so they can make the decision that's actually best for them. Sometimes that decision is a house. Sometimes it's waiting. Both can be the right answer, depending on whose life we're talking about.
Pre-Approved Is Not the Same as Ready
If there's one thing to take from my daughter's story, it's this: just because you can buy a house doesn't automatically mean you should buy one right now. A pre-approval answers exactly one question — what a lender is willing to finance. It says nothing about the questions that determine whether homeownership feels like a blessing or a weight:
- What monthly payment lets you keep living? Not the maximum you qualify for — the number that still leaves room for savings, for a life, for the unexpected. Those are often very different numbers.
- What's behind the payment? Property taxes, insurance, utilities, routine maintenance, and the repairs that don't ask permission. A good rule of thumb: expect roughly 1–2% of the home's value in upkeep each year.
- What's left after closing? If the down payment and closing costs empty every account, the house owns you on day one. An emergency fund that survives the purchase is the foundation.
- How much is changing in your life right now? New job, new marriage, new city — each is manageable. All at once, plus a mortgage, is a lot to ask of any couple.
- Whose timeline are you on? Social media, friends closing on houses, family expectations, fear of missing out — none of them know your bank account or your goals. Your readiness is the signal; the rest is noise.
None of this means waiting is always the smart move — it isn't. For plenty of people, buying now is exactly right, and I've handed keys to first-time buyers knowing with full confidence they were ready. The point is that ready is personal. It isn't issued by a lender, and it doesn't come with a deadline.
For the Parents — and What I Believe
If you're watching your own kids enter this season, here's what those two months taught me. Our job isn't to decide for them — and it isn't to stay silent either. It's to make sure they can see the whole picture: the payment and what lives behind it, the excitement and the responsibility. Then we trust them with it.
The hardest part is that the conversation only works if both answers are allowed. If "we bought a house!" is the only outcome that earns your excitement, they'll feel it, and the pressure will do their thinking for them. My daughter felt free to wait because she also felt free to buy. That freedom is the gift.
My responsibility as a REALTOR® was never to tell someone when to buy. It's to give them the information, perspective, and tools to make that decision for themselves. Sometimes that ends with me handing someone the keys to their first home — like Daniela and Erick in Woonsocket, who were ready and made it happen. Sometimes it ends with "let's wait." Both are successful outcomes. I mean that.
That's what Living Elevated means to me: not rushing to keep up with everyone else's timeline, but making the thoughtful decision that actually improves your life — even when that decision is patience. My daughter taught me that better than any transaction ever has. She'll be a homeowner one day, and when that day comes, she'll walk in with savings behind her, a marriage under her feet, and a decision she made with her eyes open. And her dad — the REALTOR® — will be the proudest guy at the closing.
First-Time Homebuyer Questions, Answered
What's the difference between being pre-approved and being ready to buy a house?
Pre-approval tells you what a lender is willing to finance based on income, credit, and debts. Readiness includes what pre-approval can't measure: an emergency fund that survives the purchase, a monthly payment that leaves room for savings and life, stability in your job and plans, and honest comfort with the responsibilities of a home. Many people are pre-approved before they're truly ready — and that's normal.
Is it bad to get pre-approved and then decide to wait?
Not at all. A pre-approval is information, not a commitment. It typically expires after 60–90 days and can be refreshed when you're ready. Using it to learn your numbers and then choosing to wait is a sign of financial maturity, not a failure.
How much money should I have beyond the down payment?
Beyond the down payment and closing costs, most advisors suggest keeping an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses untouched, plus a cushion for moving, furniture, and first repairs. As a rule of thumb, budget roughly 1–2% of the home's value per year for maintenance.
What costs come with a home besides the mortgage payment?
Property taxes, homeowner's insurance, utilities (often higher than a rental), routine maintenance, repairs, and possibly HOA fees or mortgage insurance. When you evaluate affordability, use the full monthly picture — not just principal and interest.
How do I know when the right time to buy is?
The right time is personal, not seasonal. It arrives when your emergency fund is solid, your monthly payment fits comfortably inside your real budget, your job and plans feel stable, and you're buying because you're ready — not because of pressure, fear of missing out, or someone else's timeline.
Wondering If You're Ready? Let's Have the Honest Conversation
Whether you're a first-time buyer, newly engaged, or a parent watching your kids start this chapter — I'm happy to walk through the real numbers with you: the full monthly picture, what to save beyond the down payment, and zero pressure either way. Call or text me at 401-426-4857, in English or Spanish. If the answer is "let's look," we'll look. If it's "let's wait," that's a great answer too — you'll walk away knowing more than you did before. That's the whole point.
| By Alex Parmenidez, Broker Associate | Coldwell Banker Realty
Alex Parmenidez | Broker Associate Licensed in RI, CT, & MA | Coldwell Banker Realty
196 Waterman St, Providence, RI 02906
C: (401) 426-4857 | O: (401) 351-2017
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